New Year's with the Joker
by Vermillion Lynn
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like.  Joker decides to be festive and torture a group of hostages in a most unique fashion. Oneshot.


**A/N: In the spirit of being festive for anyone who doesn't live under a rock I took the famous NYC televised event and moved it to Gotham :) I hope you all enjoy the holidays with Joker ;) I can guarantee you won't watch Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve the same way ever again. Merry late Christmas and a happy and SAFE New Year! xoxoxo Vermi**

**_New Year's with the Joker_  
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Despite blistering winds, frigid cold, and mass overcrowding of the streets nearly all of Gotham (and travelers from all over the globe) piled into the heart of the downtown to watch the giant lit-up ball drop to welcome the New Year. Revelers decked out like it was Mardi Gras along with people of all ages gathered back for miles as the entire section of the city was closed down for the event. A giant stage was set up for hosts and celebrity guests as well as Mayor Garcia and the entire police force gathered around to make sure no funny business went down.

The ball was on the giant rod that towered over the entire city though the celebration didn't keep all at ease. Bruce Wayne had been watching the nationally televised event from home with Alfred and thus far it had been a pretty typical New Year's Eve. Bruce didn't feel like throwing a huge shebang like he always did this year and just laid back casual for once. He needed the rest.

A celebrity performer had just moved off the stage when all the lights in the city began to flicker in a move to get attention. Bruce sat up closer to his screen and honestly a lot of the population didn't notice what was happening when every single screen in the city and television set across the nation for that matter, switched to a smiling face of white, red, and black war paint. If it were possible for a universal heart attack then there would have been one. The angle was awkward and shaky, meaning Joker was holding it up by himself as he giggled and panned the camera around to zoom in on a heavy pregnant Minx. The tiny thing with lengthy straightened raven hair barely fit into the red spandex romper, so the zipper was pulled all the way down and her hood was up so only those piercing blue eyes glowed from underneath. Intimidating retractable claws were visible and the velvety lifelike cat tail swished from left to right until he asked the pale thing.

"Are we live, Kitten?" the camera shook as the teensy thing gave him the horns, "I thought so…"

"You're on, baby," that squeaky childlike voice giggled and purred until he nodded the camera.

"Wanna greet our guests then, sweetheart?"

Puffing her Double-D silicone-implanted chest out, Minx nodded slowly before becoming wildly animated and throwing her short little arms out, "HIYA!"

All was silent like the grave, and pouting her red lipstick-covered lips that no one could see Minx cocked her head and leaned towards the camera.

"Gee…what'd ya all drop dead out there? C'mon it's god damn New Years! Where's the party at?" with hands on her hips she shifted her weight to the right and shrugged, "Well…" a sigh, "beggars can't be choosers, but eh- what the hell! You people didn't come out there to party, so WE decided to bring one TO ya!"

Giggling and moving the camera into his right hand like a Cloverfield reenactment, Joker's purple glove-covered hand reached out and stroked behind Minx's ears like a kitten and she purred until he turned the camera on himself and licked his lips.

"Isn't my wife just WONDERFUL?" flashing those cigarette-stained teeth cheekily he craned his neck and cooed to the tiny young woman, "THANK YOU for the cheery introduction, Kitten-doll!"

Her response was the devil horns.

"You know…" moving the camera around erratically he licked his lips and furrowed his brow as if perplexed, "I couldn't help but notice Kitten's astute observation…" exhaling in irritation he licked his lips and shook his head, "What's WRONG with you people? It's NEW YEARS this is supposed to be a CELEBRATION!" he shrugged, "Out with the old, in with the new, isn't that correct?"

No answer of course; the streets were the grave.

"That's okay!" sighing he smiled and nodded with the camera, "Really…that's…" his eyes blinked involuntarily, "fine, that's just…swell…because KITTEN and I came prepared with our very own party games!"

"You BET!" Minx's childish voice called with a loud giggle.

"See our uh…MAIN event is to uh…" he licked his lips, "for our FAVORITE flying rodent! See that?" the camera turned up to the ball where Minx floated right next to it like Vanna White. It was actually turned into a cage of sorts with at least fifty people sardined inside screaming from hundreds of feet up, "Since this holiday is famous for it…I've loaded up the entire Gotham LIONS club…" he sighed, "because if there's one thing I can't stand more than rich people…" he groaned, "it's watching rich people LIVE."

Minx's alter ego was a near-billionaire popstar but he was letting that fact go.

"SO…if Batbreath can't get here before midnight to stop me…" he giggled and bounced in place, "Wanna tell them Kitten? Huh? Do ya wanna tell them what happens if he can't stop us?"

Giving him a happy nod Minx floated down since the camera was following her. Down the pole she went until they reached a giant metal vat unlike anything that had ever been placed outside. "Since all anyone ever does here is make STU-PID promises you never keep…my baby put this big old vat of LYE underneath so the bally falls into a big surprise!"

"IF the Batman chooses not to come at all…" his eyebrows rose and he sniggered, "Party guests will just have to get offed until I hear that cute Tonka bike rumbling in my direction!"

Hugging him close and pressing an obnoxious kiss on his cheek Minx waved at the cameras and blew a big kiss, "Best of luck, BATS!"

"And have a WONDERFUL New YEAR!" Joker held Minx under an arm and put a hand over the camera to shut it so regular programming resumed.

Gordon stood to command his men to rush forwards beneath the ball and arrest the couple, but they turned their guns and fired out into the crowd, actually hitting pedestrians as mass chaos ensued. Twenty minutes to midnight. Joker had the entire ceremony rigged.

…

Reaching up with a tiny clawed hand Minx ran her fingers through the feathery wavy green-blonde hair atop Joker's head. They kissed and rubbed noses quickly since he didn't like being absorbed in her on the job. She distracted him, which was something he really had a hard time getting past they had been together since they were five. He didn't need to ask her if too much stress was on the baby, they had a way of communicating through some strange sense of telepathy from knowing the other so well.

Running a large gloved hand with curved fingers over her rear, he grabbed it playfully before tilting his head and speaking almost into her mouth, "Are you ready for the opening ceremony?"

With her hood off so he could see the baby-like face of hers with collagen-fused lips she nodded and pressed a big kiss on him, "I got your back."

Reaching into his pocket and double-taking between the ball and the hostages he nodded, "I know," he jerked his head towards the camera, "I need a cameraman…" licking his lips he gazed up at the ball and smirked hooking an arm around Minx's waist and speaking directly into her ear in a purr, "think we have any who fit the description?"

"We shoulda hired one, babe," giggling she squeezed his gloved hand and curled her lips before flipping her black fur-trimmed hood over her head.

Raising light eyebrows he sighed and flipped his eyes to the sky, "No, no no no no…" he looked out into the crowd from their spot on the platform below the giant ball and watched the rigged officers form a blockade to protect them, "I like doing things my way…"

"Gee," her eyebrows rose and she smirked, "I never woulda guessed."

"Shut up," pushing her away with one hand he smiled at her before licking his lips and playing with a large gun he lifted off the floor, "NOW…" his head tilted all the way back as he looked up at the hostages, "Kitten, you dictate…"

"Yes, darling," she nodded and floated right up so she was eye to eye with all the hostages dressed up thinking they were attending one of their lavish parties, "How y'all holdin' up?" that squeakerbox voice giggled, and they stared at the young pregnant woman appalled that she was even moving like this never mind hold them all captive. She wasn't new to pregnancy at all; this was going to be their fifth living child. They were supposed to have seven, but who should have been the oldest died during a brutal assault on pregnant Mindy and their four year old (only) boy was murdered indirectly by Joker years ago. The four living children were girls, the incoming baby was a girl, and they had an eighteen-year-old adopted daughter.

One middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair stepped forward and shouted, "LET US GO YOU CRAZY BITCH!"

"HEY!" barking she hissed like a feral cat and lunged so her fingers were trickling along the lights on the ball creating their cage, "We went out of our way for you jerks, the LEAST ya could do is shut up and listen!"

BAM!

Some of the lights sparked and blew out making Minx yelp and back away in time before she was burned because Joker was impatient. Three guests were bloodied and burned on the floor from Joker's straight-shot.

Minx's arms went out and she groaned as if she knew it was going to happen, "SEE? You people gotta let me talk or he'll just go trigger happy and I ain't doin' nothin' to stop his ass."

Impatient already Joker grabbed a camera and the broadcast cut back to him all by himself. No cameraman was needed, he could manage he often did. `

"Since I couldn't find a suitable camera guy, looks like you're all stuck with yours truly!" tilting his head and smiling cheekily he nodded and twitched involuntarily before turning the camera towards Minx and the hostages in the ball above the lye, "Sodium hydroxide…" he grimaced at the vat, "quite a simple corrosive alkaline substance…not skin friendly…but that's okay neither is exposure to too much filthy disgusting bogging wealth. So…" he turned the camera to him and smiled, "living up to my NAME…I decided to open tonight's celebration with a JOKE!"

"Oh Jesus, son of a Christ…" Minx palmed her forehead and curled her lips not to laugh. His jokes were simply awful but they still made her smile. Usually he was funny when he wasn't trying to be.

"Okay…" he licked his lips and wagged a finger, "this is a good one! Alright… A guy went to a psychiatrist,"

"Here we go…" Minx cringed and shook her head though he didn't notice,

""Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"" he tilted his head and frowned, building tension for his own punch line and he moved the camera up to Minx, "Who can guess what the doctor said back to him?"

"Let's see…" smiling Minx shifted her weight and moved a little clawed finger around, "Any a' you snot-noses wanna guess what the doctor says? Huh?" she flew closer to their faces and they were indeed terrified, "ANYONE?"

"No takers?" Joker frowned and shook his head with a groan, "That's okay, Kitten I came prepared…" he cocked the gun and sighed, slowly turning to face the ball and raising his eyebrows paternally, "When asked a question by Kitten or my-SELF…" he grimaced and clicked his tongue, "I expect an answer."

BOOM! BAM! BOOM!

Minx jumped back in time as the bullets pierced the ball and made sparks fly yet again, also sending a cloud of blood and smoke into the sky as the feline nodded satisfactorily.

"How did it end, Jax?" Minx called down and licked her lips quickly because her own very thin Chelsea grin that he gave her a while back was stinging, "Gimmie camera I'll hold it!"

He tossed the small handheld out to her and Minx carefully focused on his face as he licked his lips and finished the joke, "The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents.""

"Oh you JERK!" the squeaky voice behind the camera called as he laughed at his own bad joke, "LAAAAME!"

"ASK me if I'm a tree!" he called out to the camera playfully and she giggled before asking lamely.

"Are YOU a tree?"

His expression turned sour, "No."

"JERK-FACE LAME-ASS!" she called back with a groan, "What did the girl say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed?"

"God Bless America!"

"FUCK you that was MY punchline, schmucky!"

He giggled, "It wasn't very funny…"

"I don't care new game, Jax let's play a NEW game we only got like six of 'em!"

"Indeed," sighing he turned to the ball full of people and began to pace, "Now…I'm having a party and you've gotta tell me what you're all bringing! If I like it I'll let you come, if NOT…" he cringed and shrugged with a conclusive sigh, "Welll I wouldn't want to be you."

Minx nodded and kept the camera zoomed on the frightened faces of the Gotham City Lions Club charter members, "Wanna tell me what you're gonna bring, babe?"

"Alright, alright…" he sighed, "I'm having a party and I'm bringing raisins."

Minx caught on right away and she nodded at the group of hostages, "You fuckers better listen up!" she zoomed right in on their faces, "I'm bringing ROADBLOCKS!"

Joker thought a minute before nodding, "Kitten can come! Who's next?"

"Schmucky!" Minx tossed the camera down and he caught it so he could hold it up, this entire thing was planned, "Let's start with YOU!"

It was a woman with pearls around her neck and her blonde hair piled high atop her head, "Please, I have children!"

"Pwease…!" Minx sassed through the lit bars of the New Years' ball-turned-cage, "I have children! Pwease! Nyah nyah nyah pwease pwease HAHAHA! That's not gettin' you out, honey!"

"Leave her alone!" the brunette man with the toupee was clearly her husband and Minx nodded along with pouted lips.

"If she gets it RIGHT, I WILL!" she growled, "so SHUT UP and listen!"

Joker had the camera zoomed on Minx clearly and she was floating but trying hard not to let her very pregnant belly touch anything.

"What are you gonna bring to the damn party, grandma?"

"I…" she hesitated and Minx wagged her along, "I'm bringing…" tears were streaming down her face. She didn't know the rule how could she know, "Rhubarb?"

"Mmmm," her face screwed up and she shrugged, "Close, but SORRY YOU LOSE!"

"NO PLEASE!" screaming she held up her hands, "NO! NO!"

BLAM!

Minx jumped back, lights burst around her, and people backed up as Joker blew the smoke as it rose out of the gun he just fired.

Sighing and shaking her head Minx pointed down at the woman, "Best you learn from her mistakes, ladies and germs," those piercing eyes moved to the husband next, "Let's see if hubby can get it right…"

He kind of realized there was a pattern since roadblocks and raisins had literally nothing in common, "Rocks?"

"YOU can't come!"

BOOM!

Screams and Minx grimaced at the blood, "We can do this all night guys, y'all better find out the secret or you'll be dust!"

"Raccoons!" a woman called out-of-turn and Minx reached her tiny arm through the bars to pat her head.

"YOU can come!"

"'Raspberries!" said another and Minx reached through the bars to slash his throat with her claws so he fell dead.

"NOPE!"

…

Batman had already taken off and was racing through the streets to get to the Joker and Minx. Less than ten minutes to midnight.

…

"I like the way you say boat," Minx mused innocently with pouted plump lips and Joker smirked before tracing the barrel of his gun along the hollow of her throat and purring.

"Tell me why…"

"Well ya don't just say 'boat' you go," she slipped into a picture-perfect Joker impersonation with obnoxious twitching from his tardive dyskinesia, "'BOE-T',"

"Oh no I do NOT-"

"Do too do too do too!"

…

Sitting all in a row on a trendy pink couch in a lavish fifteen-thousand square foot penthouse were five blonde heads all decked out in New Year's hats, noisemakers, tiaras, sequins, etc. The entire penthouse was decorated by a team of hired hands for popstar Mindy Stratus for Christmas including a fake Christmas tree that stood nearly twenty feet high and was as wide as most people's kitchens. Window-walls surrounded the great room where they were seated in front of a 90-inch plasma screen TV mounted to the left of the fireplace.

The lanky teenager in a short silver sequin strappy dress was Taylor, pale skin contrasted by dark red lipstick and raccoon-like makeup around her large blue eyes. She was the adopted child of her twenty-eight-year-old 'parents', and Mindy refused to acknowledge that Taylor wasn't her birth child. Her long stringy platinum blonde hair fell past her hips and a noisemaker sat between her teeth as she watched in the center of the couch being hung all over by the younger girls. She had a black top hat and had made an enormous amount of finger food for her and the kids to pick on until their parents got home to celebrate New Year's. Judging by what was on the television though, she doubted their parents would be home for New Year's.

On the end playing on her iPad and drinking from a virgin pina colada was the oldest child of Joker and Mindy, Amber. The lanky eight-year-old was in black ballet flats, black leggings, a black and white horizontal striped shirt, and a gray cardigan with black sequins all over it. Her long blonde hair was waved and flowing freely.

Hanging on Taylor were the seven-year-old blonde identical twins Thorn and Scarlett. The blondes were in tiaras, purple sequin dresses, and had noisemakers ready to go. The five-year-old baby Chelsea was in a league all her own. Daddy's Princess had her long curled blonde hair piled atop her head like Cinderella with a giant blue tiara in it along with a blue sequined ball gown and sweet dabs of makeup on her chubby face. A tub of chocolate covered popcorn sat in her lap and she was just shoving fistfuls of it into her mouth. She also had a pair of Daddy's aviator sunglasses over her big blue eyes.

"Daddy…" groaning Amber shook her head and curled her plump lips, "Seriously? You guys had to pull this crap tonight?"

"I LIKE it!" Thorn shouted in Amber's face as a Serval curled up behind her and the three cats were lounged about. A red panda named Stickers was tucked away under Chelsea's vice grip.

"Daddy said he'd be home!" Amber protested in her raspy voice right back, "Seriously Mommy and Daddy promised they would celebrate New Year's!"

Taylor gave her a look and kept Thorn under her arm so no fur flew anywhere, "But you know with Daddy that he's always got some diabolical plan he strings Mommy along for. She can't leave him, can you blame her?"

"Mommy's hair looks SO pretty…" Scarlett sighed and tossed her lengthy pin-straight blonde hair behind her as she watched Joker zoom in on her mother taunting the people in the ball, "Not fair."

Wordlessly Chelsea lifted her mother's baby pink iPhone off the counter in the kitchen and held down number 1 before running to the TV and waving at it. Chelsea was Autistic she didn't know any better.

Suddenly on the screen Joker handed the camera to Minx and confusedly answered the cell phone coming his way.

"What the HELL are-"

"DAD-DY!" Chelsea squealed and the girls stared slack-jawed, "ME! I'm," she nodded though he couldn't see her, "I'm…PRINCESS!"

"Oh PRINCESS sweetheart darling baby…" his tone completely changed to the point that it was comical and he moved away from Minx holding the camera on purpose so nobody else could hear.

"HI DADDY!"

"Are you being a good girl?"

"YES!"

"Where's your sisters?"

"HI DADDY!" Chelsea was squealing with the phone and Taylor started lunging to get it back because it was MINDY'S phone she was calling from.

"CHELS!"

"Ohhhh mannnnn is she gonna get it when Daddy comes home," Thorn elbowed Scarlett and the two exchanged worried glances.

"Baby, Daddy's working right now…" his tone got a little shaky and he clearly didn't want to get off the line, "Daddy's gotta help Mommy barbecue some yuppies…"

"YUP!" Chelsea cheered and he giggled lightly.

"So when Daddy and Mommy finish our New Year's shindig we'll be home right away, alright Princess?"

"I'M PRINCESS!" she pointed to herself and he was just beaming.

"I love the shit out of you I promise we'll stay up ALL night, okay baby?"

"I LOVE YOU DADDY!"

"CHELS!" Taylor jumped for her but Chelsea was on the couch.

"I love you TOO, Princess,"

"I love YOU Daddy!"

Spoiled little brat. Taylor wrestled the phone from her and quickly hung up.

…

Hanging up the phone Joker turned and noticed there was five minutes left on the clock…and there Batman was taking out his men. He wasn't worried, Minx could take him pregnant or not. He could use her as a shield and Batman wouldn't dare touch her.

"Kitten!" calling up happily he motioned to Batman taking out his henchmen and Minx nodded before swaying and placing her hands on her hips, "Time for New Year's Resolutions!"

"STOP SMOKING!" she shrieked down and he nodded before looking up at the hostages.

"How many of you SMOKE?"

Hands were raised hesitantly, and Joker blew them away to screams. He nodded satisfactorily before taking a moment and asking, "How many of you have since QUIT?"

More hands were raised, and Joker fired away at them all until there was about twelve left in that body heap. Batman fired a grapple at Joker, but Minx hooked her claw and cut his line, springing forwards and hissing like a feral cat. She was in his way, he couldn't hurt her without causing a miscarriage, and she was just giggling not moving.

"Oh no…you're not going ANYWHERE, BATS!" Minx giggled loudly and shook her head when Joker panned the camera that way and giggled zooming in on Batman.

"What's eating HIM?" laughing he shook his head and turned the camera around so he was smiling into it, "Loser…" he shook his head, "anyhow…moving on…" his head tilted and he pouted his lips, "I have a BABY due in the next few months…" licking his lips he moved his eyes around before looking directly into the camera, "So IIII resolute to become a better Daddy over the next twelve months…" his tone was a little soft and he looked up to the ball, "How many of you have children?"

Thinking this was their way out, hands were raised and on a dime Joker pulled a long gun out and fired away. Minx watched with wide eyes as the final ten-second countdown was on and Batman was already too late.

10

Blood splattered from the remaining members on the walls of the cage as the ball started to automatically drop.

9

Batman tried to reach for a weapon when Minx literally clawed his hands to the point that they were drenched in blood.

8

The screams from the mobs of people as the ball came down closer to the vat of lye were overwhelming.

7

From home the girls were spinning their noisemakers even though they were watching people die at the hands of their parents.

6

The ball slipped down despite so many broken lights.

5

The 2012 sign was warming up to be lit.

4

Minx placed a few kicks directly in the right spot to knock Batman to the ground.

3

Joker watched gleefully and had the camera zoomed in.

2

He started to move with the camera to get it from every angle as the ball free-fell.

1

By the back of the hair Minx was grabbed and ripped into a Gone with the Wind-quality kiss as the ball hit the lye and caused a huge explosion. Of course Joker knew that would happen and coordinated the placing so sparks, fire, smoke, and chemicals flew everywhere BUT where he, Minx, and Batman were at. To add extra flare Joker had dipped her and held on even after the 2012 came up.

…

The girls were watching the black and white version of House on Haunted Hill when the main door opened and in came their parents still in Joker and Minx attire holding hands and Minx had a lollipop in her mouth. Her hood was off and his coat came off right away so Chelsea could scream and bolt to him.

"DADDY! DADDY DADDY!"

"And how is my Princess?" he grinned and kissed her temple before hugging her close and watching the disappointed older four come his way and Amber immediately clung to Mindy as did Scarlett.

"Daddy…" Thorn's eyebrows rose disappointedly and Scarlett's foot tapped.

"YOU said you guys would be home for New Year's!"

Furrowing his brow and giving Mindy a wink he went over to the digital clocks in the kitchen and fiddled with a few buttons, "What are you talking about?" he set the clocks back to eleven, "We've got an hour!"

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


End file.
